Why concentrating on the orgasm often leads to frustration and blame and little success.

Many women struggle to orgasm, some have never done so, despite their partners trying so hard. In fact it seems the harder they try the worst the situation gets, why is this?

Imagine the following situation:

You wake up one morning and your partner says “lets go to Durban” you like Durban, your work is done, so yes, lets go to Durban. You pack bags for a short stay and off you go.

As you leave you ask your partner if you can stop for drinks and snacks for the drive, “no, we going to Durban, cant make stops, we have to get to Durban”, you are disappointed, but he seems determined to get to Durban, and you know that arguing just makes the trip tense so you go with the flow.

Just outside Johannesburg there is a traffic jam, so you suggest a stop for breakfast rather than sit in traffic – “no” he says “ we said we were going to Durban, we will fight our way through this traffic” so you sit in traffic for an hour, both a little more frustrated, and then the road ahead clears, and you both a little more light hearted and off you go on this very focussed trip.

You see a sign for “Moerse lekker Biltong” oh yummy – lets give that a try – nothing nicer than snacking on biltong on a road trip. “no, Ive told you we cant do side trips, we have to get to Durban” I wont be long, you say, “no we cant be sidetracked on this trip to Durban” and so you carry on. But you really aren’t enjoying this trip anymore.

He drives on, but there are so many trucks on the N3 and he gets more frustrated every time he needs to wait to pass, and you get more anxious saying “we can take it slow, I would rather make it alive” but he is focussed on getting to Durban, and these trucks are slowing him down.

You get to Harrismith anxiety heightened and there are road works, stop and goes for kilometres, this trip is not going well, how about we find a BnB here and just enjoy the evening as these stop and goes are just a nightmare, “no we said we were going to Durban” and you loose your last bit of patience “ I don’t want to go to Durban anymore, this trip has been horrid I just want to go home” He is disappointed he so wanted to get you to Durban, you know you’ve disappointed him and vow that you going to avoid agreeing to trips to Durban in the future, because everytime you try it ends like this, so defeated and silent you turn round and go home, with nothing but frustration and a bad memory.

Scenario 2

You wake up and your partner says “ lets go to Durban” you like Durban and the idea sounds like fun, You pack and overnight bag and jump in the car. “what about drinks and snacks?” “ oh good idea, lets stop on they way, cant do a road trip without drinks and snacks” you stop and he gets all your favourites, even manages to find Aero Balls, he knows how much you like them.

As you get out of Johannesburg there is a traffic jam, you suggest breakfast, he sees a sign for a little place neither of you have heard of and turns off, it’s a one road town, with these quaint little shop fronts, and outside one is sign for breakfast, you park under a tree and walk in, there are only four tables, all mismatched and wonky, you both look at each other and smile, an elderly man greets you, you have one choice for breakfast and that is a full farmhouse, so be it. It is amazing, so good, you both love every minute of it – the tinny music I the background, the weirdly quaint décor, even the sightly burnt door on the ladies, rescued from the original building when it was gutted by fire.

By the time you done the traffic has disappeared and you can get back on the N3 with no issues. An hour or so later you see a sign for Moerse Lekker Biltong, now this we have to try, and off you go following the signs like a treasure hunt (just a note – this place exists and if you ever see that sign, do yourself a favour and take the time to go get some, its well worth it) You find the shop and its closed, no worries there is a sign saying “try the bakery” and so you do, and inside is a lovely old couple, and they so happy to help, unlocking the butchery and insisting you taste all the options – you end up spending way more than you should, but hell whats a road trip without a little overspending.

Back on the road – music on, munching on moerse lekker biltong and nattering away about all sorts of random topics until you drift off in the sun. You wake up a little later because the car has stopped, you see the stop and go, he says “ I saw a sign for a BnB back a little way, lets stop there for the night, I don’t think we will get to Durban today, so you back track. They have a room, and you both love it, its been decorated in every frill and bow possible, and it smells of lavender, the owner just wants to chat, and wants you to have the best night possible, as she leaves you both smile and just enjoy something that is so different to your norm, trying to find the bed through all the frilly cushions, there is one somewhere.

The next morning you head back home, stopping at more places along the way, having had a lovely road trip and a wonderful story to tell about the time you tried to go to Durban and never made it, and hell if this is what each attempt to get to Durban is going to be like, who cares if we ever get there, and if one day we do, bonus.

So stop trying to do a the focussed trip to Durban, rather do a road trip in that direction and enjoy everything you can see and get to along the way.