From Boys to men who say, “I’ll make love to you like you want me to” to Cardi B who says “I wanna spit, I wanna gulp, I wanna gag, I wanna choke, I want you to touch that lil dangly thing that swings in the back of my throat” And that is about the calmest of what she says, and bad grammar aside you get the message loud and clear.
You may think – I don’t like talking dirty – but think about it – have you ever sexted? That is talking dirty – well texting dirty, telling your partner what you would like to do to them in that moment or when you get home, and I think a vast majority of us have done that. And then there is that suggestive flirty talking when you are out – he says something innocent like – lets go home to bed and you say, “oh baby, is that a promise?” that is its own type of dirty talk – those underlying nuances.
It’s when you get to in person dirty talking that a lot of people are then not sure. So, I have a few tips:
- And this you will hear me say often – have a conversation with your partner – you need to understand what they are comfortable with and what not. Do they want gentle talk or harsher talk?
- Ease into it – as with anything new, take baby steps and for all those of you who over think your overthinking – it has to be natural so try not overthinking, it will come out stilted.
- You don’t have to sound like a porn star – women especially generally don’t like it, though there will be a few who do, never assume it though, you don’t want a story of how talking dirty went wrong
- If in person, start with one word talk or very short sentences – if you go off on a monolog you might find that it has the opposite effect
- Rather than refer to the size of the genitalia refer to the arousal of the organ – size be it of the penis or labia or breasts – is often a touchy subject.
- Define the qualities that excite you – I love the feel of your hard nipples
- This may be one time when anatomically correct words are possibly not good to use – somehow, I want to put my penis in your vagina – doesn’t quite work – unless you get turned on by sciency sounding things – then hey, go for it.
- Sometimes – telling a person what you are going to do to them, creates that excitement of expectation – learn the art of tease.
- The main thing is having fun with it – and if it goes awry, have a laugh.
A lady who writes peoples fantasies for them, had some good advice. She recommended asking your partner their fantasies – damn we keep having to do that communication thing. But she warns you do it without judgement,
Then you build up the talk around their fantasy, think about the way you word something, find words that create a picture, for some this may take a little practice – she gave a simple example.
I went to the store to get milk – its was cold. – not very exciting
I ambled slowly to the store, the wind whipping my skirt up, making me shiver and hardening my nipples against the thin fabric of my tank top. -gives a wonderful image, doesn’t it?
This is all good for a lot of people, but there are those of us who do want something a bit harsher, and that is often where the wheels fall off – you don’t want to be disrespectful, like calling the love of your life a slut, so often when you do, because you feel uncomfortable doing it, it doesn’t translate and the whole thing falls flat. Build up to the cruder, nastier words if that is what your partner likes.
And yes, there are some of us who enjoy in the throes of passion being called slut and other derogatory terms – but please remember that there is a time and place, and it’s the feeling behind the words, dont use those words in an argument with me, because you will come second.
Talking dirty, be it subtle and nuanced or full out crude and rude like most things is a skill and it gets better with practice and a few mistakes along the way to learn from.
Let me know your thoughts or how it goes on firstname.lastname@example.org